I just woke up to a beautiful morning in Southern California. After I finish this post I’m going to hop on a bike and ride along The Strand up to Manhattan Beach.
Remember a few weeks ago, when I was sitting in the hospital, bitching and moaning about how much my life sucked because I had to get my tissue expander removed? I was really, REALLY over living in Southern California at that point. I even started researching summer jobs and apartment rentals in places like Oregon, where I was convinced I would not feel any pressure to don a bikini or any kind of revealing shirt.
Ha. Good one, Rachel. Like I could leave all of this beautiful weather and sunshine?
At the time, getting that awful tissue expander removed seemed like the end of the world. And can you blame me for feeling that way? I’m 22…I work at a fashion and beauty website…I live in Southern California. Appearance matters to me a lot, I hate to admit it. The prospect of having only one breast for an entire summer seemed AWFUL!
But it’s all about learning what works and what doesn’t. Adjustments are necessary…change isn’t all scary, I’m realizing. Okay, so I can’t get away with wearing clingy fabrics because the outline of my prosthesis will show. Well maybe that isn’t too bad…I’m finding styles that are more flattering for me. And while I used to run away screaming at the thought of wearing clothes from the women’s department instead of the junior’s department, I have to accept that I am not sixteen anymore and I have NEVER been built like a twig. Some of the clothes in the women’s department (and more importantly, in my wonderful mother’s closet!) just work so much better for me!
Which brings me to the update on my awesome bikini top (purchased from the women’s section of Target). On Tuesday, Mom and I met up for lunch after her oncology check-up at UCLA. Two miles from my office in Santa Monica is a mastectomy/breast cancer boutique called Intimate Image, so we stopped by to see what they had in terms of waterproof prostheses.
Perfect timing, because apparently they had just received a shipment of a new type of waterproof prosthesis. Its full name is the Trulife AquaFlow Triangle 630 (I think I’ll just call it “The Waterproof Falsie.”) Here are some of the fun little selling facts from the website, with notes from yours truly:
- Molded, fast-dry spacer (…no idea what that means)
- Breathable foam for support and structure (…ooo…support)
- Lightweight beads do not absorb water and dry quickly (hahaha, no sponge for me!)
- Flattering, natural profile, whether active or lying down (I like flattering)
- Water resistant satin drawstring bag can be used to carry a wet swimsuit or other damp items (and the color of the drawstring bag is just sooo pretty)
- Satin garment loop can be used to pin into a garment (…k…)
They only had two sizes at the Intimate Image, a 5 (equivalent to about a B cup) and a 7 (more of a C cup on me). The 7 was a tad bit too big, but since I knew I would be getting a saline fill on my right side on Thursday, it was the best option.
I also tried on a silicone breast form to do a comparison, but the AquaFlow was better for my needs. And the best part? It was less than $50, which is a steal in the mastectomy world!!!! The silicone form I tried on was over $300! It does make sense, however, since the silicone form lasts longer and so women who decide against breast reconstruction would opt for this sturdier prosthesis.
In addition to buying The Waterproof Falsie, we also bought a little pocket. Mom is going to sew the pocket into the left side of my bikini, and then I’ll be able to insert The Waterproof Falsie when I want to go swimming. We were going to originally just sew in the prosthesis, but using the pocket instead will not sacrifice the integrity of The Falsie (I don’t want little beads falling out if a seam rips).
So now the bikini top, pocket, and my dear little Falsie are up with Mom at our vacation home in Groveland (near Yosemite). She is going to use her sewing magic, and next weekend when I’m in Groveland for Memorial Day, my bikini will be ready to go! I can’t wait to try it out and post pictures.
Moving on: on Thursday I saw the wonderful Dr. Festekjian again. He removed the stitches from my left side and did a saline fill on my right side. My right tissue expander is now at 550 ccs. I’ve decided to hold off on getting fills for a while, since my right side is now about even with both my cotton prosthesis and The Waterproof Falsie.
I confronted Dr. Festekjian bluntly about when I’ll be getting my left tissue expander replaced. When my infection was running wild and he first suggested that the tissue expander be removed, he said it would need to be out for at least two months. Of course I was shooting for two months, but at the start of Thursday’s appointment when I asked, he said “three to four months.” Bummer.
I wanted a more concrete time frame in order to plan my summer, so after he completed my fill, I pushed him for answers. He said three months was his final decision, and calculated the date based on when I got my the tissue expander removed. Three months from April 30 is July 30, which is a Monday. I can work with that. Three months is better than four!
In the coming weeks, Jeani (his assistant) and I will nail down a date for the tissue expander replacement surgery. Luckily it’s an outpatient procedure and I probably won’t have to stay in the hospital overnight. AND I won’t get a drain!!!!!! (Fingers crossed Dr. Festekjian doesn’t change his mind about that one!)
Well that’s all the update for now…The Strand is calling!
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Rachel, I’m so so proud of you, and so glad you have this blog! It’s so well written, and I like being able to stay updated! Don’t leave SoCal just yet 🙂 coffee, dinner or drinks soon? Xo
Success in sewing the pocket into your darling bathing suit top! It was a piece of cake, really, following the handy-dandy, well-written instructions. Best news: THREE of your cute little bikini tops that were up here in the cabin have pockets in the left side and your waterproof falsie fits in all three! Two of the suit tops (one Victoria’s Secret) already had a pocket system built in; both had small, unattached forms inside the pockets. That’s an important tip: look for suits that already have the pocket-style lining with the open seams at the armpit edges. Will send photos!
I just wanted to tell you I admire your attitude, and the candid nature of your writing. Had another dscussion with my 8 year old today about mastectomies. We both have the PTEN mutation, another huge breast cancer risk. I had a “prophylactic” double mastectomy in March. I am 38. Early stage DCIS was found. No treatment needed. My very smart 8 year old is calculating the removal of her breasts before they have had a chance to grow. I am grateful for young women like you willing to share your story. When she is a little older it will be wonderful for her to read your story and feel empowered. Keep writing!
Thank you for your kind comments. I found your blog about two weeks ago through Heather and I enjoyed reading it.
I know a lot of women who are in similar positions as you…they have young daughters and are starting to think about (or, in your case, are already) having discussions about genetics and cancer risks and the future, etc. I’m hoping that my blog can help those moms out…my mom had to think about it, too, and I can at least give the perspective of a daughter finding out that news.
Your daughter sounds brilliant. I hope that the next few years, puberty especially, are easy for her and that she continues to have a smart attitude toward the situation. I hope you continue to share both of your stories!