It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

And no, I don’t mean Christmas…

It’s time to think about implant sizing! YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! [as I type this, I imagine children across America are cheering with delight–because the only thing better than Christmas coming early is that annoying girl with the blog getting her damn breast implants already!]

But seriously. It really is time for me to start thinking about what size I want my implants to be. No pressure, though. I’ll only be stuck with them for ten to fifteen years.

On Thursday morning I had a tissue expander fill with Dr. Festekjian. He filled me up with 75 ccs on the left–yowza, slow down there, Dr. F! No but please don’t, 75 ccs was awesome, thank you. I am now at 525 ccs on the left and 550 ccs on the right. We’re almost even!!!!

At next week’s fill with Maria, I will get 75 ccs on the left and 50 ccs on the right, putting me at 600 ccs on each side. I’m sure what you all want to know is what cup size is that?!

Yes, I’d like to know that, too. So this morning I started to investigate.

The world of tissue expanders and breast implants is terrifying. I have emerged from the deep, dark pit of the Interwebz even more confused than when I started.

This is what I have discovered: I have two Natrelle Style 133SX tissue expanders. They are each 14 cm wide. According to the Natrelle catalog, they have a height of 12 cm and a projection of 7.1 cm and are considered “extra-projection range.”  What does that all mean? No idea.

At this point, I am abandoning the science of it until I can talk with Dr. Festekjian, Maria or Jeani about it in person next week. Instead, I am going to play a kind of twisted form of dress up: the Breast Implant Rice Test! Or, in my case, The Breast Implant Israeli Couscous Test!

A few months ago, Jeani explained this test to me but I brushed it off as pretty much ridiculous. However I came across it again today and decided to just try it. 7/8 cup of Israeli couscous and a knee-high nylon sock (sorry Mom) in hand, I ventured into my room.

If “gummy bears” are the Prada of the implant world and silicone is the Coach, then Israeli couscous and nylons must be the Walmart brand.

Why 7/8 cup of Israeli couscous? Well, the handy little chart from www.justbreastimplants.com said that 1 cup of rice was roughly equivalent to 236 ccs, while 3/4 cup was about 177 ccs. Since my tissue expanders can hold a maximum of 750 ccs and my right expander is currently at 550 ccs, I wanted to experiment with about 200 ccs…so 7/8 cup of couscous sounded accurate.

Here’s the results–keep in mind I only tried the test on my right breast, since my left tissue expander is still a few ccs smaller:

Now obviously it looks a bit awkward with the rest of the nylon sticking out, but the test was more successful than I expected.

Yet I still don’t know how I feel about the size potential! The fact is that tissue expanders are shaped differently than breast implants. I need to find out from Dr. Festekjian what kind of implant he plans to use. Right now, when I look at myself head-on, my chest seems to be very filled out; but when I see myself from the side, it still seems very small. I guess this has to do with the tissue expander being wide?

Perhaps next weekend I will try the rice test again, but on both sides (since they’ll finally be the same size again!)

Can anyone speak to their experience with implant sizing?

In other news, I’m sick–but don’t worry, it’s (for once) NOT related to my tissue expanders! On Tuesday I started to develop a sore throat, and by Wednesday afternoon I could barely talk. I stayed home sick from work on Thursday. I felt AWFUL…couldn’t swallow because my throat was so sore, couldn’t sleep…finally saw a doctor on Friday and I’m on antibiotics now. I know, right–more antibiotics?! Ha. Let’s hope I don’t get sick for years after this, because all that nasty little bacteria is going to be SO antibiotic-resistant!

I’m feeling much better today. My mom is coming home today from Yosemite. I heard my dad on the phone with her yesterday, remarking about how I was a horrible patient. (Note to Dad: Yeah, yeah, stick it in your ear. Who do you think I got it from anyway? Plus, here’s a direct quote from “Jewish as a Second Language“, the book you gave me to read:…should illness or injury strike you, it’s your duty to stay sick as long as you can. Keep using those crutches. Prop them up where everyone can see them. Flash that sling. Enlarge that bandage. Who knows when you’ll be dealt this card again?“)

It’s a good thing Mom is coming home now, because it’s probably her fault I’m sick. Let’s think about this for a minute: where was my mom when I got my cellulitis infection? The Grand Canyon. Where was my mom when I thought I had another infection a few weeks ago? Yosemite. Where was my mom when I got sick this past week? Yosemite, again.

COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT! Once again, my mom has found a way to SINGLE-HANDEDLY ruin my life.

OK, I’ll stop dicking around now–I hope you all know I’m just being a brat for the sake of humor and that it’s an inside joke with my mom that was started in like, middle school.

I only mention being sick this week because, as much as it sucks, it’s kind of cool in a way that it wasn’t related to my mastectomy or reconstruction at all! It was just because I’m a normal person who can contract normal person contagions from other normal people. I’m normal, ya’ll!

Now go wash your hands so I don’t get sick again, thanks.

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4 thoughts on “It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

  1. YAY for the beginnings of getting on with your life! Good for you! And the curious among us are very interested in how the fills translate to implant size. Having skipped that whole part of the process I am counting on you to educate me! 🙂

  2. Thanks for this post! I’m in the expander process. I have 750 TE’s in but they are currently only at 275 each side and I’m having a hard time thinking I have the attention span to make it to 600+. My PS wants me at least to 600 due to my frame, etc. Ugh!! I’m getting 75cc each fill, so only four more left. Can I do it? NOT SO SURE! I had to have my TE’s replaced already because one ruptured and the other got infected. I have what looks like the beginnings of cellulitis on one side that I’m watching. So very frustrating!

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