The drains are STILL here. STILL. It’s been sixteen days and they’re still here, attached to my body like freaking tentacles or something.
I feel like I’m subhuman. At first I joked about that–about being some kind of mutant–but that was okay, then, because I wasn’t going outside of the house that often. It didn’t bother me when people passed me as I went on my daily walk.
But now I feel fine physically and I can pretty much do anything, so of course I’m out and about at the mall, restaurants, the library, the grocery store. And I am SO self-conscious about these drains. The problem is two-fold:
- They look weird–I’ll be the first to admit it. Especially now that the one on the right is extra long, they are hard to conceal. Every time I walk by a little kid I imagine that kid going “ohmigawd Mommy what is WRONG with that lady?”
- I can’t wear what I want. I’m pretty much limited to shirts that are either short/cropped or have buttons or a zipper. I can also wear sweatshirts and baggy shirts, but those just make me feel even worse. Not only am I a mutant with tubes, my only option is to look fat and frumpy with the tubes.
And now, on top of all these vain problems I’m having, my drain on the left keeps popping out of place! I was avoiding going to work and school because of these damn drains. Last week I was supposed to take a midterm on Thursday, but my gracious professor said I could reschedule it.
Well there’s NO reason for me not to go to class to take it today…I’ve studied for the midterm, I feel good, I’m ready to participate. But my stupid drain is popping out. That’s going to look really awesome to all of my peers when we’re in class and my drain pops out and gross bloody fluid drips all over the floor. Yes, I’m going to be super cool after that. “Awkward Drain Girl.” That’s what they’ll call me.
My 22nd birthday is in exactly one week and all I want is to get these drains out. Last week I was pushing for Monday–haha, funny joke! On Monday, when Dr. Festekjian said to give it a few more days, I was pushing for Thursday. NOPE. Now I’m not even going to think about getting them out this weekend because that would surely make it not happen.
On Monday they were outputting about 35 ccs per day–SO CLOSE. Now they’re playing a cruel, cruel trick on me by creeping up there again, to about 40-45 ccs per day. WHAT THE HELL. That’s all I can say. I am so angry about it.
Drains, what’s your problem? I just had my entire chest removed. My breasts are gone. I’m 21 years old and I look like a fat nine-year-old boy. My nipple is “iffy” and I have to worry about it dying. All I ask is that I can cover all of this up with a cute shirt and cardigan or a nice dress and pretend for a few hours at a time that I’m normal. Why, drains, is that so freakin’ hard for you to accept?
They’ll be out soon enough baby. Just be strong for a little bit longer.
Just when you thought you had everything under control, the Universe delivers a big “F-U” in your face. I know there’s NOTHING we can say or do to make you feel better. Your body will do what it needs to do, and then you’ll be fine. And, by the way, it’s only the ignorant and uninformed who make and articulate those kinds of judgments. They’re everywhere, so F’em if they can’t take a joke. The rest of us love you and understand, and just want you to feel better, like yourself, again. Nobody else matters.
Rachel! (it’s caitlin losi, i don’t know if this post will say that or not) anyways, i send my love. With time and healing your body will repair itself. the body can do amazing things and so can you!
Hi Rachel honey, just got to this post. By now, the situation might be better — hope so. If not, just remember IT WILL BE BETTER!. Your body knows what it’s doing, and what it needs to heal. Listen and work gently with it. Deep breath through your chest and through those drains. When they’ve finished their job they’ll be gone forever. Good riddins!!! (sp?) I can relate to how conspicuous you feel in public (i.e., crooked, limpy walking with cane) but again I’m not a 22 year old hot college student and I’m learning to care less. Unlike my situation, your condition is truly temporary and sooner than you know Ragin’ Rachel will be back! So give your whole system a break, the docs did their work and now let go of the time lines and pressure and let the body do what it needs to right you again. Homeostasis is a wonderful thing! Love and admire you — your boobs will be “the bombs” again! Aunt Cindy xOOx.
This is very true. Thank you for posting…it was a nice reminder to me to just calm down a bit and let my body heal without rushing it!!!